The Blue that shows through

You have to spray away the muck when you can. This morning I washed the car on my way into the office. I pulled under the white and blue painted concrete and lifted the nozzle to spray away all the grime of the past weeks. Mountain cars get a special level of dirty and return quickly to that state.
And yet.

As I sprayed away the grime, I saw the flaws it filled in for. The dirt was over the nicks and marks of rocks that have chipped away at the burgundy paint. A scrape here or there from where the kids dragged a stick along the side body, suddenly glares in the sun, freshly exposed. One of the fog light covers, a perfect sphere, without the mud, its cracks scatter the promise of clarity.

I rest the muscles of my hand for a moment, releasing the grip on the hose, considering whether I could repaint the car myself this summer. Nevermind the many more pressing chores on my list of things I won't get done, I wonder about this one. I could paint the car. A vision of papered over windows and carefully taped pieces flits and I imagine spraying paint, renewing the car's exterior. I imagine us as those people who can keep things nice. The ones who take on projects and keep their yards free of clutter, the ones who refinish furniture and keep annotated baby books. At times I regret how we can't be those people who meticulously care for things, keeping organized stacks and shelves, de-cluttered counters and clean shower stalls. We have a light bulb that's covered by a sarong for one of our light fixtures. We just aren't that.

I think of a woman who lived next door to us when I was a kid. She rented the house with her 3 kids who were often dirty. I don't remember her name. I don't know why I remember her wearing jean shorts. I remember her Gremlin changing colors though. One day it was blue and then she came outside in her jean-shorts and taped paper over the windshield and passenger windows, followed by the rear and driver's sides. She taped the wheels and then had a small handheld sprayer she used to paint the car white.

I think of white trash when I think of her, even though her kids were among my favorite in history to play with. We had a staple gun fight in the basement, followed by throwing matches we struck against the box at one another. Her daughter taught me about makeup and hairstyles and we watched MTV for hours. Her name was Cassandra and she knew dangerous things like how to throw a shawl of hair over your shoulder and disregard being called sharp words like "slut."

I watched their mom repaint that car and invented a boyfriend she was hiding out from. They'd run away from him and he'd never know it was them because she'd made the car white instead of blue. I always watched that car when she'd pull in at the end of the day and wondered if I really saw, or only remembered the blue showing through that white Gremlin's exterior.

I think of this as squeeze the handle and go back to spraying away the grime of our lives half-assedly. I won't paint the car. But maybe I'll get a new windshield. Maybe I'll look out through an unpitted, new windshield, and lie to myself about the cleanliness of our view.

Gomez's kidneys

When Gomez was 4 months old, he spiked a very fever in the middle of the night with no other cause. I called my mom to come over so we didn't have to wake Mars & take him to the ER with us. She came right over and off we went.

Gomez had no other symptoms. Just a high fever. So they sent us home and we followed up in the next day and week with trips to see his doctor and then specialists to find out what was going on.

It would turn out he had a kidney malformation of the ureters that caused a reflux that meant he would have chronic bladder and kidney infections. They put him on daily prophylactic antibiotics and waited to see if it would get better.

It didn't. So at 11 months, he had major kidney surgery.

Now I know many people who have kids with really serious illnesses and this is not that. All along we were fortunate and knew that this was a highly fixable and routine abnormality. I knew he'd be okay in time and with help.

Still, it's a lot to see your baby have his entire abdomen cut open. It's painful to watch your baby try to stand up and walk with 9 tubes coming out of him including an epidural. I'd never even had an epidural. It was terrifying to watch him not eat or drink because of the pain.

For the last 4 years, we've had ultrasounds for Gomez, first at four months to see how bad the reflux was, and again later at 10 months, then surgery, then more ultrasounds since to make sure the surgery was successful and to monitor the amount of scar tissue in his belly.

Every follow up ultrasound has come back with the doctor asking us to follow up in 6 months or a year. He's wanted to keep an eye on it. He's had concerns about the scar tissue.

This was the first one that Rob took Gomez in for. They got up and left the house at 7 this morning to take him to Denver to see how the scar tissue is doing, to be sure the ureters aren't leaking, to be sure he's okay. Meanwhile, Magnus and I had a special breakfast together at our favorite local spot. Then I dropped him at school, and went to work.

20 minutes ago, I got a text from Rob saying that Gomez is cleared. It's finally over. Gomez is fine.
I had no idea how much that little bit of worry existed. I didn't realize how much I worried that he could need to have additional surgery. I knew it was there but didn't think much of it, back there gnawing away at my stability until I read the text.

I literally can't stop crying from gratitude and relief. I think I might be worse at handling good news than bad news because I literally bawled at this news.

I wrote about his surgery in my book but the story wasn't really over until today. It's over. It's over. It's over.

What freakin' awesome news.

Amid my crying and celebrations, I received 2 additional texts from Rob.
#1 was a picture of the upcoming shows at a theater in Denver. We've been having an ongoing disagreement about whether you can refer to "Bone: Thugs in Harmony" as "Bone Thugs" which I argue is not okay and he says is. And they're coming to DENVER! So there was that picture.
and
#2 Gomez says his birthday is on the Fourth Bewakens.

So let's all celebrate by listening to bad 90s rap and eating cake. THE FOURTH BEWAKENS & I miss my uncle Charles, ya'll...

FREE Kindle copy Stop Licking That Today ONLY!

Stop Licking That is FREE today on Kindle. But it won't be for sale for long. I'm pulling it from the market after this week. Get it today while it's still available. (Also, Between Families is just $0.99.)

 

Here's the longer explanation. When I planned the release of this novel for spring, my schedule was set to be light. My plan was to promote this book during the spring and have it ready to rock as a great summer read.

Instead, my pay-the-bills full-time job has had me incredibly busy and I just can't promote this the way I'd like to. So that has meant treating this book as an afterthought and plopping some attention over to it now and again.

That's just not good enough. This book deserves my attention. It doesn't deserve to turn into a rotting fish tank which is sort of what it feels like could happen. See also the actual fish tank in my house which desperately needs a thorough clean.

In the interests of that, I'm going to pull it off the market temporarily until after graduation when I'll be able to devote more focused energies on writing & promoting. So, if you want the Kindle version, you can get it free today or for $2.99 the rest of this week. It'll go back up in summer when I can put it out on all platforms. The price will be higher. I'll send out another update when I'm up and running for summer. I will not pull the paperback. You can still buy that whenever you'd like.

Thanks for reading and understanding. I hope you get a copy while it's around and read and review it! And if you don't have time until summer, I certainly can't judge that! Because I don't either.

 

 

 And to thank you for reading this far, I'll tell you a funny story.

(Important info for this story: My husband's name is Rob. My dad is gay.)

SO last week I started having an autocorrect affair. It started with texting my mom. I texted her about Ron.
Her: Who's Ron?
Me: My LOVER!!!!
Her: Who's Ron?
Me: --...
Her: Who's Ron, your dad's boyfriend?
Me-OMG THAT"S SO FUNNY because that means my dad has stolen my autocorrect lover!

And then I picture an eye-rolling teenaged, snotty-cuss of a version of myself yelling "Jesus, Dad, I can't even have my own boyfriend!" *stomps down hall and slams door*

I did finally text her back to clarify who Ron is. No more mundane fake-lover that my dad is trying to steal.

 

Finally, my kids got 2 baby chicks to be kept at my mom's house. Their names? Sparkle & Fartrock. Happy Spring!

Peace y'all,

Karin

In the wake of recent attacks on St. Louis Jews

My heart is with all the Jewish families in St. Louis. I used to live right by the cemetery that was attacked and ran past it 4-5 times/week. I made my route in such a way in order to pass it twice. Passing it always made me feel connected and I often stopped there to stretch. I didn't mean to trivialize a sacred place by stretching there but to be present with so many lives that had passed, thinking of what they'd done. I was keenly aware that many of those stones likely represented holocaust survivors. And some were older and there's something comforting about things that have been in one place for a long time.

Running for me is where I use my body to slow my mind and think more clearly. It was vital to my overcoming seizures in my early twenties when I lived in U City. Each day, I had a goal to run and I did and I felt control over my body and my mind, when I was struggling to have control over either. I was in college and needed to get through a lot of academic material. I used running to process and brainstorm. I gained writing habits and routines that I use to this day, running there. I'm heartbroken and this was my minimal connection to the 170 gravestones that were maliciously knocked over. I can only imagine the feelings of those with loved ones there. And this on the heels of bomb threats to the J the week before. It's just too much.

Our loved ones we've lain to rest are sacred in our minds. This broke into a mental space and a physical one. It cracked into something sacred and that's unacceptable.

I remember when a high school friend was the victim of anti-semitism early on in college. She had gone away to school to a rural section of the state, outside of what I then thought of as the safe-haven of St. Louis. I was completely floored and incredulous that someone would target someone for being Jewish. I knew so many Jewish kids. They were in my honors classes, arguing their points about literature. Jewish holidays at school meant classrooms were emptied. It was noteworthy and taught me a lot about considering other people. Even now if I try to tease out all the people I know who are Jewish, I can't because they are so many and so large in my life.

I remember going to a Jewish cemetery in Prague and sitting down with the prayers all around, the mossy headstones stacked nearly atop one another, weighty with WWII even 50 years later. I remember touring a concentration camp and how embarrassed I was at the emotions that flooded me and that it took everything I had at 20 to hold back my tears and horror. I hid my tears but I could not hold them in, even when I was younger and "tougher."

I remember walking through the Anne Frank house and wanting to sit on the floor alone for hours. I remember late night talks with another high school friend about her trip to Israel where she was selected to go as a religious community leader. I remember my high school boyfriend going to Israel to serve in the army. I remember so many connections to this community.

I'm so, so grateful to have grown up parallel to such a vibrant Jewish community. To the Jewish community, I hope you feel the support of all of us who sat next to you and took prom pictures with you. I'm incredibly sorry to hear that anti-semitism is alive and exists at this level of powerful.

I know you though. I grew up with you. Together we are more powerful than they are. My thoughts, heart, tears, and prayers are with you.

Stop Licking That, my new novel, FREE on Amazon today. Happy Valentine's Day!

Stop Licking That, my new memoir is FREE today on Amazon. Get your copy ASAP!
https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Licking-That-Karin-Mitchell-ebook/dp/B01MZWOIUL

If you prefer paperback, you can order one below. It's not quite up on Amazon yet but soon...

https://www.createspace.com/6691735

Kindle Version of Stop Licking That Out Today!

Stop Licking That came out today. Get your Kindle Version here.

Download a copy and help me get a fancy best-seller button, please!!

My friend sent me a yelling text where she was mad because she accidentally started reading it when she was supposed to be studying medical terminology. HA!

Praise for Stop Licking That (which is funny to type)

There were so many moments when I thought “yep, exactly. Written by a real mom and a damn funny person. I appreciated that “Stop Licking That” got serious too. Because those moments are important and deserve attention.

-Ruth Hendricks, Early Childhood Professional and mother of 2

As a Mom and Psychotherapist, “Stop Licking That!” is a must have.  Karin Mitchell tells the ridiculous and rash parts of parenting that are both hilariously honest and heart-wrenchingly truthful.  She tells the stories that every parent can relate to without feeling an ounce of shame. It’s refreshing to read about the same triumphs and disastrous fails we have all experienced on our adventure as parents. “Stop Licking That!” will absolutely be added to my shelf of must-have books!

-Sammy Charytoniuk, Licensed Professional Counselor and parent

“Karin has such a way with words. Reading this brought back that my friends and I, in High School, had licking contests. The essence of the game was to lick something your competitor was not willing to lick, like the game chickin, but with bacteria, disease, and filth being the epicenter. It was pretty foul, and hilarious. Also probably an explanation for why were often ill in high school.”

-Drew Mikita (AKA Chicken Licken), Associate Professor Psychology and doggy daddy

“I laughed out loud so hard my husband came up to ask me what was the matter.”

-Michelle Woods Pennisi, childbirth educator and doula and mother of 2

https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Licking-That-Karin-Mitchell-ebook/dp/B01MZWOIUL

In response to Betsy Devos's Embarassing Purchase of Education and our Government

I sent the following letter the principal of the elementary school where my children go today.

 

 

Dear Educators at __________ Elementary School,

In my opinion, our senate did not demonstrate that they value what you have gone to school for, what you have studied, and what you know today by its sanctioning of Betsy Devos. My initial reaction was to want to pull my kids out of school and protest tomorrow. I wanted to drag my kids somewhere and post signs about what an embarrassment for us.

But upon further reflection, I believe a better idea is to tell you how much I value you and to continue to trust you with my children and their education.

The truth is, there are 8000 skills you've developed in the work you do. From teaching how to get 25 kids to put on their coats, boots, snowpants, mittens, and hats on, plus packing their back packs, to teaching them to resolve conflicts. You've taught kids how to decode a word for the first time and how to divine the author's intention in an entire selection. You teach them to create and play and kick a ball. You teach them manners. You teach them morals. You teach them to code and be aware of their thinking process as they solve problems. You have classroom management skills and interpersonal skills to deal with us, the parents.

All of you who put IDEA into action, hold a special place in my heart. For this law has truly made America better. Seeing a whole cross section of our society improve their outcomes has been the greatest gift of my professional life. Remember before IDEA? I don't. But I remember studying the institutionalization of children with disabilities and how parents were told that their children couldn't learn before the federal government required a Free Appropriate Public Education for ALL children. Seeing these kids who started with you, move on to college...well...it's the right thing to move us forward as a nation. I don't care so much about how we score on standardized measures as I care how we treat those who needed our help. Did they get it?

I feel like at this school, they did. You implement this law on an ongoing basis and make our country better.

Our kiddos, you care for them and push rigor and expect things of them. You nurture the best parts of kids. ALL kids. What you do is the most important work there is. You raise the next generation.

Getting the required degrees impacts your ability to do this great task. I know how meaningful my degree continues to be 15 years after graduating with my undergraduate degree. What you choose to study and pursue and do, it impacts how you proceed through the world. And our district pushes teachers to pursue excellence. You tirelessly study how to be better at teaching and I value that. You attend ongoing teacher in services and earn master's degrees and participate in team coaching. These things matter.

It is important to me to try to do something additive after seeing this vote today. So I thought of who has touched my life most in the field of education and it is absolutely this school. So tomorrow, I'll send my kids there. Because I know teaching degrees matter. Public Education matters. Experience and expertise matter. And you have it.

Thank you. I value you.

And know if you need to commit to any sort of direct action in the future, that this parent will have your back.

With warmest respect,

Karin Mitchell

Parent